EHS Study 6
Embracing grieving and Loss
INTRODUCTION
In Study 5,we began to identify and be thankful for each of our God given limitations. In this study, we are going to see why embracing grieving and loss is such a major theme of Scripture and a central discipleship issue.
God understands that for us, as his image-bearers, learning to grieve is part of maturing in Christ. God himself grieved: "The LORD was grieved that he had made man on the earth, and his heart was filled with pain" (Gen. 6:6). Jesus modelled for us the offering up of "prayers and petitions with loud cries and tears" (Heb. 5:7).
In addition, God has given us an entire book in the Bible called Lamentations. Two-thirds of the Psalms are laments and songs of struggle over loss. In fact, the entire book of Job is a classic struggle with grief and loss.
Connecting
1. Share one personal loss that you have experienced this past year and how it has impacted you.
2. Our culture resists and avoids grieving. We prefer to get more, smarter, bigger, richer, healthier, happier, and so on. Losses are seen as alien invasions interrupting our "normal lives." As a result, many people live in denial of this reality or seek to medicate themselves to take the pain of life away.
· How did your family of origin deal with losses and setbacks growing up?
· How do you think that may have influenced how you deal with grief and loss today?
3. Share your answers to two or three of the following statements:
· "I'm not as ________________ as I once was."
· "I've never known what it's like to __________________________"
· "I miss __________________________"
· "I did not receive much __________________________ when I was growing up.."
· "A part of me will always be sad that __________________________"
· "Something I wish I had done , but that's impossible now, is __________________________"
· "When I was younger, I wish I had spent more time__________________________"
· "I feel certain amount of regret regarding the way I __________________________"
· “One thing I miss about my earlier days as a Christian is __________________________"
· "In the earlier days of our church (or ministry),I loved how we __________________________"
STUDY John 11:1-44
Read v 1-16
· What words would you use to describe the reaction of Jesus to the sickness of Lazarus? How might others perceive his actions?
Read v 17-37
· How does this passage cause you to revise your earlier impressions about Jesus (if at all)?
·
Describe the emotions of Jesus at the news of
Lazarus's death.
5. Why do you think Jesus took time to weep over an event he knew he was about to fix?
What does this suggest about his humanity and emotional life?
6. How might your understanding of Jesus be different if he had not wept but instead said: "Come on, everyone, please stop all the moaning. Get a grip: I'll take care of this"?
7. The Emotionally healthy Church book explores the three phases of the biblical grieving process:
• Paying Attention . “Grieving is not possible without paying attention to our anger and sadness” What have we lost? Where does that leave us? What might that mean for us? Loss is multi dimensional, not just the loss of a person or opportunity but other things as well? What are some of the other surprising dimensions you have encountered?
• Living in the Confusing "In-Between". . “Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him” (Psalm 37:7) remains one of the most radical commands of our day. Resisting quick solutions (“you should be over it by now”). Do you ever really get over big losses?
• Allowing the Old to Birth the New. Good grieving is not just letting go, but also letting it bless us. How have you grown through some of your losses?
Which one of these 3 do you find most difficult to do and why?
8. How does the good news of Jesus Resurrection shape our response to loss?
Do you think the resurrection story makes it more difficult to stay in "the confusing in between" if we think we ought to have faith rather than sorrow or confusion or ...?
APPLICATIONS & EXERCISES
Read the list of losses below. Check the ones you've experienced in your life.
Devastating Losses:
· _ death of a child or spouse, family member, or friend
· _ mental or physical disability divorce
· _ loss of a job
· _ spousal infidelity
· _ cancer, disease, illness infertility
· _ suicide in the family
· _ stillbirth or miscarriage
· _ shattering of a lifelong dream
· _ rejection for a promotion or from a school other
(Apparently) Insignificant or Natural Losses:
· _ church moves to a new building
· _ having a child – now you can't do the things you used to do
· _ getting married
· _ children moving out of the home
· _ entering into old age
· _ a dose friend or child gets married
· _ friends move away
· _ small group multiplies
· _ a faithful pet dies· .,
· _ retiring from work
· _ transferring from one school or job to another
9. Henri Nouwen has rightly said the degree to which we grieve our own losses is the degree to which compassion flows from our lives. Why does that tend to be true?
10. Refer back to the personal loss you mentioned in question 1.
How might God be coming to you through that event and/or process?
Wrapping up
The path of biblical grieving is a great gift we can give both to ourselves and to others. However, it can often feel as if it is only going to make things worse- as if we shouldn't be going down this road. Yet God assures us that death eventually leads to resurrection. Ask God to give you grace to trust and wait on him as you begin this journey of grieving your losses his way.
GOING DEEPER
■ Prayerfully read Psalm 42, 43, 77, or 88. Try writing your own lament psalm to God in which you share your most honest doubts, frustrations, and sorrows with him. Share this with a friend.
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