Breaking the power of the Past – Study 3 Emotionally Healthy Spirituality
Sundays introduction to this weeks study is online at youtube -
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TAHWJoGWhEs
In last weeks Study 2, we learned that when it comes to our lives, there's a lot more than meets the eye. Like an iceberg, there are huge chunks of who we are that remain hidden beneath the surface.
In this study, we're going to see how the past is related to the present, and how the family in which we grew up has a lot to do with how we're put together at the bottom of our icebergs. The Bible teaches that both blessings and curses can be passed on in families from generation to generation.
Connecting
1. Tell us one thing your parents or primary caregivers did, where you vowed you would never do when you were a parent/ adult ? (did you do it?)
STARTER "Ten Commandments" of Our Family of Origin
2 Growing up, each one of our families operated under a set of "commandments. "Some of them were spoken and spelled out; others were unspoken and "understood!'
For preparation take ten minutes to jot down any rules, attitudes, and underlying assumptions your family had in two or three of the ten areas listed below-spoken or unspoken.
Be willing to Share one with the group, and tell how it continues to influence you today.
Examples:
- · Money: "It's okay, to spend it on others, but not on yourself."
- · Success: "It's getting into the best schools."
- · Expressing Anger: "When you are angry, it is a sin."
- · Loss and Grief: "You are not allowed to be sad or depressed."
"Ten Commandments" of Our Family of Origin
1. Money ____________________________________________
2. Success ____________________________________________
3. God ____________________________________________
4. Gender roles ____________________________________________
5. Marriage ____________________________________________
6. Complementing / Praising ____________________________________________
7. Play and recreation____________________________________________
8. Sex ____________________________________________
9. Expressing anger ____________________________________________
10. Loss and grief ____________________________________________
Bible Study
Like everyone in the human race, our ultimate descent is from the family tree of Adam and Eve. Read Genesis 3:1 -13.
3. What do you notice about the opening verses 1 - 7.
4. What are the consequences of that choice in their relationships with God and each other (v. 8-13)?
5. Do you observe any of the same dynamics played out in your life today?
The Church as "New First Family"
Our family of origin is the single most powerful and formative influence that has shaped the person we are today. Therefore it makes sense that Christian discipleship is ultimately about transplanting someone from their family of origin and rooting them into the new family of Christ .Just as there were established ways of handling anger, money, conflict, sex, feelings, and the like, in our family of origin, so there are new ways of thinking and acting about these things in the family of God. Discipleship is a process of unlearning and relearning, because through Christ, we've been birthed into a new family tree!
6. The church is a place where people bring their entire family histories with them through the door. What sorts of challenges does this present to functioning as a church family after God's own heart?
7. READ 1 CORINTHIANS 3:17-18 ‘Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. 18 And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.
Applications
7. Refer back to the '"Ten Commandments' of Our Family of Origin" section (question 2). Take a few minutes to rewrite one or two of the family of origin commandments based on your understanding of what God teaches in Scripture. Share one with the group.
Example: Success: "In God's family, success means faithfulness to be and do what God has called me to be and do."
8. Use the EXAMEN sheet attached as a practice reflection of your day, noting where God has been giving your blessings (things you are thankful for.) Focus on the feelings experienced yesterday or from events anticipated for tomorrow. Use this as a basis for prayer.
Wrapping up
Because our childhood was not perfect, we all came into adulthood with leftover emotions from those early years. Sometimes this is called "emotional baggage" or "unfinished business." These bags can be heavy and loaded with anger, fear, anxiety, insecurity, resentment, shame, hurt, self-contempt, and so on. Pray that God will help you recognize the negative bonds from your past and how they are impacting your present. Ask that he release you from any negative patterns and build into your new patterns of Christ likeness.
GOING DEEPER
■ Take some time to sketch a simple genogram (relationship map) of your family over three generations. You can see how on https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U6lnibJgvh0&feature=emb_logo
Notice any patterns and tendencies (positive and negative) that show up. Share with the group or a friend the positive and negative discoveries you have made.
■ Complete the "'Ten Commandments' of Our Family of Origin" exercise from questions 4 and
Review it in your devotional time with God.
■ start A DAILY EXAMEN HABIT.
Examen - PRAYING BACKWARD THROUGH YOUR DAY
L. Pray for LIGHT. We are not simply reminiscing but rather looking for some sense of how the Spirit of God is leading us or is at work in our lives.
T. Review the day in THANKSGIVING with gratitude. The past 24 hours has included gifts of existence, work, relationships, food, and challenges. Gratitude is the foundation of our whole relationship with God. So use whatever cues help you to walk through the past 24 hours, thanking the Lord for every gift you encounter.
F. Review the FEELINGS that surface in the replay of the day. Our feelings, positive and negative are clear signals of where the action was during the day. Simply pay attention to any and all of those feelings as they surface, the whole range: delight, fear, anticipation, resentment, anger, peace, contentment, impatience, desire, hope, regret, shame, uncertainty, compassion, disgust, gratitude, pride, rage, doubt, confidence, admiration, shyness–whatever was there. I believe that these feelings are the liveliest index to what is important in our lives.
F. FOCUS on one of those feelings (positive or negative) and pray from it. That is, choose the remembered feeling that most caught your attention. The feeling is a sign that something important was going on. Now simply express spontaneously the prayer that surfaces as you attend to the source of the feeling–praise, petition, contrition, cry for help or healing, whatever.
5. Look toward tomorrow (The FUTURE). Maybe use your appointment calendar if that helps, face your immediate future. What feelings surface as you look at the tasks, meetings, and appointments that face you? Fear? Delighted anticipation? Self-doubt? Temptation to procrastinate? Regret? Weakness? Whatever it is, turn it into prayer–for help, for healing, whatever comes spontaneously.
a mnemonic for recalling the five points: LT3F (light, thanks, feelings, focus, future).
NEXT STEPS
Look to Jesus 2 Cor 3:17-18
Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. 18 And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.
Cure –
1. What has Jesus or the Spirit said to me in the scriptures – what is he saying to me through his spirit as I pray?
2. What has Jesus done for me that might apply to this situation and my feelings?
